My Post -- Crazies

Can I just say that I had no clue who I was the first few weeks after Bo.

I was a completely different person. 

Crying all the time. 

Seriously all the time over anything and everything. 

I had a C-Section and I loved it -- for the main reason that I got to stay in the hospital for 5 extra days! 

Yeah 5 days of nurses helping me, 5 days of letting Bo go to the nursery at night so I could sleep.. It was awesome! and you know what...I don't feel bad about it.

Then we went home.. uggh home! I don't know why everyone gets so excited about going home from the hospital. I mean let's get real, they brought me food for breakfast, lunch and dinner; I never had to get out of bed if I didn't want to or get dressed; nurses giving me the pills I needed-- Now that is the life! 

That first night I was so freaked out because of all the torturing I did to myself googling all that I could about SIDS and other scary things that could happen. 

My mom came the week after Bo was born, and what a relief.

I would probably still be crying if my family didn't help me out.

She got up with him in the night, came to the circumcision appointment (worst thing ever for someone with PPD) taught me how to do this baby stuff and then she had to leave. 

I think I bawled the 3 days BEFORE she left because I was thinking about her leaving and cried for days after she left. 

Then my dad came for the next week which was great since I was still recovering from my C-Section.

(Same thing just crying and crying and crying) 

So lucky for me my mom came back when he left because I was a hot mess. 

HOT. MESS.

Again I have no idea who the heck I was. I hate crying. It gives me a terrible headache but I just couldn't help it. 

 He's looking at me thinking.. "YOU'RE the one that's supposed to take care of me?" 

I know man I hear ya! I can't even take care of myself!

My Dad MADE me get out of the house.. which was good but I certainly did NOT want to.

It was pretty obvious to me that I had Postpartum Depression.

It's bad when the person that has PPD realizes it too instead of in denial. 

I talked to so many people that went through what I was going through. It was incredibly helpful to realize that strong women I look up to experienced the constant crying and anxiety I was feeling. 

It made me feel better that I won't be crazy like this forever! Whew!

At my postpartum doctor appointment I was upfront with my doctor about everything I was feeling. She had PPD pretty bad too when she had her babies and she prescribed Zoloft for me. 

She said it helped her and the other people that I talked to told me that they wished they took care of the problem sooner. 

It made all the difference to help me balance my psycho hormones that I couldn't control. 

People are starting to become familiar with Baby Blues and Postpartum Depression but I still feel like it has a bad rap that most people won't admit or talk about it. 

I was so grateful I had people to talk to and so grateful for modern medicine that I could start feeling like myself after a few weeks. 

It worked so well that I wanted to cry and I couldn't! 

 I could actually enjoy the moments with Bo instead of staring at him in the middle of the night with tears streaming down my face. 

I weened off of Zoloft after 3 months and I feel great. I didn't have any weird reactions and I would recommend anyone out there to talk to someone, especially their doctor, if they are feeling anything that I had. 

A good support system was key for me. 

Now I know for the future with my next babies I will most likely start Zoloft or something similar right away.